Random One-Liners

City Pact Fight Boils

Headlines

Planted corn before the fence was built

Miscellaneous

Man Shaved For Using ‘Prophetess' Toilet

Headlines

For every credibility gap there is a gullibility fill.

Characteristics Murphy’s Laws

Everyone has a skeleton in their closet; the difference between Bill Clinton and myself is that he has a walk-in closet.

(1938 – ) political commentator, author, columnist, politician & broadcaster
Characteristics

Praises on tombs are trifles vainly spent; a man's good name is his best monument.

Epitaphs

Deploring change is the unchangeable habit of all Englishmen.

(1896 – 1971) English socialist, author, journalist, editor & gourmet
People Situations

And my concern, David, is several.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Bushisms

Study: Duct Tape Doesn't Seal Ducts

Headlines

No dice, Chicago. I’m giving the orders and we’re coming in. I guess the foot’s on the other hand now, isn’t it, Kramer?

(1947 – ) American actor
Misspokements TV/Movie Quotes

Having Willie Stargell on your ball club is like having a diamond ring on your finger.

American baseball player & manager
Baseball Sports

Those people all corregated over there.

Malaprops

Ban On Runny Yolks Not Going Over Easy

Headlines

Don't lie, steal, or cheat unnecessarily.

Characteristics Conflict Honesty Murphy’s Laws

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Characteristics Children People Things

The worst part of having success is to try finding someone who is happy for you.

(1945 – ) singer, actress & comedian
Success

Plum cherry tomatoes

Oxymorons

Scientists To Have Ford's Ear

Headlines

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Animals Children Dogs Learning

Like a peach-orchard bull

Miscellaneous

Christian Cars Stoned in Nazareth

Headlines