Random One-Liners

I really like a lot of the stuff they did; it's just, sometimes, their fans get on my nerves.

comedian
People

An object at rest will be in the wrong place.

Murphy’s Laws Things

Total Lunar Eclipse Will Be Broadcast Live on Northwoods Public Radio

Headlines

When I got to the hospice I was under the impression it would be a two- or three-week stay, but here I still am, six weeks later, and I've gotten so well Medicare won't pay for me anymore.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Government Health Money

An independent is a guy who wants to take the politics out of politics.

(1900 – 1965) diplomat & Democratic politician
Beliefs Government Opinion Politics

The meek shall inherit the earth, but not the mineral rights.

(1892 – 1976) oil industrialist (once world’s richest man)
Characteristics Money

I am one of those people who just can’t help getting a kick out of life – even when it’s a kick in the teeth.

(1900 – 1962) Russian – Jewish madam & author
Emotions Happiness Life Problems

I am blind like the mighty oak.

(1971 – ) American actress
Misspokements TV/Movie Quotes

All five-second grenade fuses will burn down in three seconds.

Arms Military Murphy’s Laws

A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled.

British clerk of the House of Commons
Ideas Intelligence

I got my start in silent radio.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Age Old

Confucius say… wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.

Confucius say

If you want the government off your back, get your hands out of its pockets.

(1936 – ) U.S. Senator (Colorado)
Government

One of the worst things you can do as an actor, I think, is to forget your lines, and then get so flustered you start stabbing the other actors.

Miscellaneous

Underwear: An article of clothing which, when kept clean, ensures the wearer will never have an accident.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Americans like fat books and thin women.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
Appearance Body Books Communication People Reading/Writing Women

My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Dogs Marriage Wives

Don't come crawlin' to a man for love; he likes to get a run for his money.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Emotions Love Men

Here I at length repose, My spirit now at aise is; With the tips of my toes And the point of my nose Turned up to the roots of the daisies.

Epitaphs

We were the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world, and with more diets to keep us from eating it.

Food/Drink Places

The battle was lost several movies earlier.

musician & film reviewer
Reviews/Criticism