Random One-Liners

Americans: People with more time-saving devices and less time than any other people in the world.

Definitions People

Pediatrician: Man of little patients.

Definitions Doctors Health Wordplay

They’re really keen on the strawberry flavored ones.

Australian basketball player
Sports

About sentence fragments.

Communication Language Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

Art is a jealous mistress and if a man has a genius for painting, poetry, music, architecture or philosophy, he makes a bad husband and an ill provider.

(1803 – 1882) essayist, poet, & philosopher
Art Entertainment

In spite of the cost of living, it’s still popular.

(1880 – 1966) American novelist
Life Money

You guys keeping up on that Jeffrey Dahmer thing, the guy that ate 17 people?… you know, I could understand one or two, but 17 – you're eating just to eat.

(1951 – ) American comedian & writer
Eating Food/Drink Situations

The biggest liar in the world is the golfer who claims that he plays the game merely for exercise.

(1916 – 2008) American professional golfer
Beliefs Golf Honesty Lies Sports

Can of corn

Miscellaneous

Summer Treat: Ice Cream "Isn't Health Food"

Headlines

Bimbo: Any woman to whom you pay a compliment, while in the company of your wife.

Definitions Women

I'm single because I was born that way.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Marriage

Jazz: Music invented by demons for the torture of imbeciles.

(1852 – 1933) author, educator & clergyman
Entertainment Fools Intelligence Music

I am firm; you are obstinate; he is a pig-headed fool.

(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic
Characteristics

It's probable that if a meteor landed right in the middle of Los Angeles, nobody would even notice. I say this because apparently nobody noticed that the first Anaconda sucked.

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)
Reviews/Criticism

Never make a decision that you can get someone else to make.

Murphy’s Laws

An almost inexorable baseball law: A Red Sox ship with a single leak will always find a way to sink; no team is worshipped with such a perverse sense of fatality.

American sportswriter
Baseball Sports

Hay smells different to lovers and horses.

(1909 – 1966) Polish poet, writer & aphorist
Situations

Jerry, just remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it.

(1959 – ) American actor, director, writer, singer & comedian
Beliefs Honesty Lies TV/Movie Quotes

You never know who's right, but you always know who's in charge.

Murphy’s Laws

One thing that's good about procrastination is that you always have something planned for tomorrow.

(1890 – 1973) English writer & critic
Characteristics